I don't know where this concept of self sabotage came from, but it's everywhere isn't it? Didn't get the promotion? I must be self sabotaging. Attracted a poor date? Self sabotage. Just about every time we fail to get what we want, or it shows up in a form we didn't expect... self sabotage! The experience that we do things that are not in our best interest, even when we would like to make a different choice, is of course true. We eat things that are not good for us, we repeatedly date the wrong people, we fail to prioritize. We don't stop when we should or we hold back even when we want to move forward. But I differ on whether it's a noun or verb. Is it a thing that happens or something we do? Self sabotage is the notion that we are consciously or unconsciously, doing bad things to ourselves and making wrong choices to keep us from our desires. Often that's called the fear of success. And I think this is just another way in which we are judged, and especially how we judge ourselves. And especially us women. I believe We are not actively, or unconsciously, doing things to hurt ourselves. But our nervous systems, which are mostly beyond our conscious control, are acting in good faith to keep us safe. And sometimes what looks safe to our nervous systems is staying quiet, staying small, sticking to the status quo. Those goals we consciously want to go for may not look safe to our nervous systems. So while WE WANT to make changes, our NERVOUS SYSTEM says 'whoa there, that may not be safe, let's just keep to what we know." But we can get control of this process and release the old, even ancient, stress that causes us to make choices that are no longer serving us.
The category of self sabotage covers a wide range of activities, from procrastination and comfort eating, actual self harm, to the accumulation of distorted beliefs about who we are and what we're capable of, and our worth in the world. But, from an EFT Practitioner's point of view these habits and actions can be see as adaptations our nervous systems made in an attempt to keep us alive and to deal with overwhelming emotions.
For example, the adaptation to be quiet and unseen to prevent bringing the attention of an alcoholic parent to ourselves is a marvelous adaptation to keep us alive in an uncertain and dangerous environment. When our brains have a plan, when they've found a way to keep us alive, they carry on with it. Without some conscious decisions (and limbic system interventions, such as tapping) the brain will continue with this tried and true plan. In this example, being as unseen as possible to stay safe was a great adaptation at the time; this same adaptation does not serve us when we are safe adults and we can't get seen or heard at work; therefore our careers get stalled regardless of how well we work or the brilliance of our ideas. Our nervous system continues to create the circumstance that we are 'invisible.'
Your brain and nervous system are not just observers of "what is" They are also creators. We mostly think we're observing our world, but we are also shaping it. We've all had the experience of deciding to buy something, say a red car of a make we don't remember seeing much of on the road. But after focusing our thoughts on the acquisition of this particular kind of red car, we suddenly see it everywhere! This is an example of our brains allowing us to see more of what we want to see.
Our brains are listening and changing what it filters out and what it lets through to our consciousness based on our desires. And when we may repeat to ourselves "I'm too scared to speak up at work," we are reinforcing an old adaptation, and we believe this is the truth of us. And even though we try and try to change it, to sail off into a new future, the weight of historical neurological programming keeps bringing us back to shore. We're like a boat stuck in harbor because our anchor is down.
We consciously perceive a tiny amount of the actual sensory input coming into our brains and nervous systems. But our subconscious mind, which can effectively be regarded as our body, can handle huge magnitudes of data. That's why you can react to a danger before your mind even knows about it. While your conscious mind is still assessing the situation, your body has dodged that rock that was coming at you. Our subconscious mind is responsible for our safety. And that is where these survival mechanisms that might show up as 'self sabotage' are stored.
Syou see, you are not consciously deciding to derail your career because for some reason you hate yourself. On the contrary, your nervous system created a plan to save you. Your basic nature is to love yourself. Anything other than that, is something you learned, something someone taught you.
If you're struggling with achieving a goal, take a look at how you feel in your body when you think about the goal, or any of the steps you think might be required to achieve that goal. You might think you want to be a public speaker, and that exciting goal feels good in your body. But picturing yourself in front of a crowd might feel much scarier. EFT is used to help people deal with phobias quite successfully. And, as with any issue, we work through different stages, or aspects, of the fear. With spiders we might start tapping on the idea of a spider and work towards a picture of a spider, then maybe a video. Then the real thing.
How would we get you more seen at work? Help you get the recognition you deserve? We'd start with the body. Think of an example of when this happened. How does it make you feel? And where? What is the emotion related to that sensation? An example might be a 'weight on my heart that feels like sadness". We would develop a thorough description of your feelings and emotions, and relate them to previous experiences. We would peel back the layers gently until we got to a pivotal experience and then release that. EFT tapping creates a safe container for what was once ( and still is) a scary feeling. When we address this old fright in a new safe, calm environment, it finally gets fully processed by the nervous system. This changes the present by releasing an old neurological pattern that was part of the "keeping me safe by being invisible" survival strategy. A part of you is now available for new programming.
I hope I've made the case that if some parts of your life are not working, it's not that you are sabotaging your happiness. Rather, that old programming, although new and valuable in it's time, is now out of date. And that rather than indulging self loathing and judgment, the more appropriate and energizing viewpoint is that you are just ready for an upgrade!