The Balance Between Growth and Protection
(adapted from a blog post published elsewhere in 2016)
There is a constant conflict going on inside of us. The urge to grow and expand, and the need to stay in the same and familiar.
Have you heard of Hebb's Law? Basically Hebb's Law states that 'neurons that fire together, wire together.' What does that mean for us? It's how habits are born and reinforced; it explains why once you've thought or believed something, you are more likely to think it again, and why that thought or belief will be reinforced over time. Here's an example from my own life:
Those of you who know me probably know that my health has been, let's say, a project, for quite some time. With regular tapping I've seen steady improvements. Fatigue continues to be an occasional challenge though. As I was working the other day, at something that did not require my conscious thoughts, I realized that my mind was repeating some version of the phrase "I'm just too tired, I really am." These thoughts were not directed at any particular activity I had planned that I was worried about, my brain was going about it's business reinforcing a belief I have.
The actual truth is that my energy is much improved. Sometimes it slips back, or I'm easily overwhelmed. But this is improving all the time. Because change is scary, and staying in a well worn groove is so much easier, my brain was busy rebuilding the old wiring that says I'm too tired.
Well, when I realized that was going on, I put a stop to it. I consciously began to repeat the opposite of that statement: I do have enough energy to do what I need to do. The awesome thing that happened is I felt more energized. Not in some mythical future, but right then and there!
When I stopped being so darn committed to one truth (and the considerable emotional commitment to it), I created space for a new truth to emerge. Mostly transformation takes time, but because I tap regularly I have developed some neuro-plasticity that allows changes to happen quickly. Akin to stepping from one path to another running along side it. Have I stopped having those thoughts that I am too tired? Not entirely, but as soon as I hear them I start to change them, and the more I do that the less power and control those less desirable thoughts have on me, my health and my destiny.
Until about 15-20 years ago the brain was considered a static organ. You had what you had, you were who you were. Luck of the draw if you were upbeat and successful, quiet, a genius or a tradesman, the life of the party, withdrawn, depressed or morose. But brain science has been evolving rapidly and we know now that the brain is quite pliable, and we can be in charge of that change. And Hebb's Law is one of the tools we can use.
Are you familiar with Louise Hay, founder of Hay House? Hay brought us the 'positive affirmation'. As in my example above, my mind was going about it's business in the background 'wiring' and reinforcing a truth; the affirmation of a negative outcome I had been experiencing for quite a while. And not one I wanted to be investing in for the future. So, whenever I hear my brain reinforcing a thought I don't care for anymore, or 'firing together,' I interrupt that pattern with a different thought. The more I do that the more the new pathway gets 'wired' and the old path way falls into disuse.
The same thing applies in the body. You know it as 'muscle memory.' It's a bit of a misnomer, because the memory is not just in the muscles but in the brain and subconscious as well. Some skills are quite easy to pick up, like hammering a nail. (No offense to carpenters!). But some activities are complex and require much practice to become 'automatic.' And the more emotional content to the activity. the more practice is required. Strong emotions tend to shift the blood in our brain away from the thinking part to the reacting part. This is one of the reasons that emergency responders drill and drill and drill. So in the heat of the moment, with screaming and life and death situations going on all around them, the automatic responses that will save lives will happen without a lot of thinking. Because first responders have nervous systems that respond in the same way as everyone else's!
You have automatic responses as well that you have cultivated over the years. You HATE rush hour traffic! You LOVE cats. You always choose a hoodie. You never watch horror films. You love nurses. You avoid walking past a construction site. You hate hospitals. You get dizzy on a ladder or you love the thrill of the edge of a cliff. You smile easily or are quiet. You take all these things together just you!
But many of your likes and dislikes, your tendencies, developed when you were pre-verbal, and before you were making conscious memories. With out knowing where all your foibles come from, you go through your life believing that "this is just how I am." And some of it is, and some of it is how you learned to be.
From the moment you are born your nervous system starts assessing the environment for 'feels good' or 'feels bad'. It chooses good feelings and avoids bad ones. If someone who takes care of you smells a certain way, and they are a source of lots of 'good' feelings, you are likely to carry a favorable response to that aroma. And the opposite is true, say someone favors red shirts and causes you to feel uncomfortable a lot, you associate the color red with bad feelings and steer clear of it. You say, "I just don't like the color red" not really knowing WHY.
Many of these choices are inconsequential. But many have real world consequences. These show up as the inability to say no, to a boss, co-worker or family member. To speak in public and be heard. From small anxieties about driving or taking on a big project to not being able to leave the house, our emotional responses have been being shaped all our lives.
The problem comes when we have to change something. Change is hard because of Hebb's Law. Our brains decide that keeping us just the way we are is more cost effective and resource efficient, and hey, it's worked so far! You're alive. And that's the main job of the brain. To keep you alive. And that's why the brain makes changing seem so scary. The irony is that our brains both love novelty and hate change. And when you add in a big dollop of emotions to the programming, it can get even harder. Strong emotions wire our brains more strongly.
So when it comes time to break out of that rut, and change what is not working for you, employ Hebb's Law. When you feel or think something that is counter to what you want, or goes against what you desire to be true, starting practicing the thoughts that will lead you in the direction you want to go. And practice the emotions that go along with them. Remember the stronger the emotion the stronger the wiring.
Like anything you want to perfect: practice practice practice. And get comfortable with the fact that your brain is, more or less, always going to be doing this. So be patient and kind in your training. Your mind has been doing it's own thing, protecting you the best it knew how. And now it's time to be the leader of your own nervous system!
And, by the way, EFT is a brilliant tool for rewiring your emotional responses and making changes fast. Contact me to learn more.
website: CalmHealthEase.com
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